October 6 to 10, my performance was great. I got a lot of promoters (the customers rate me 10 and left a review about our chat) and i was in bliss. I thought i had it all under control. Of course, i still ask for suggestions, alot. And i am happy that they leave me good reviews as well. The chat was not queueing and only at least 2 chat concurrencies. I had fun as well since we are packed in the production room. I have conversations with the people around me and just chatting and having a good time joking around. The setting was nice.
After that week. Just 2 days in the next week, it challenged me. In the first day of this week, the first hour was fine. After an hour after the first shift logged out, the three of us (closer shift i think) got bombarded by chats. This was saturday in USA. We got 5 chat concurrencies, all active and all wanting to get their concerns, resolved immediately. This was my second month of this, to be honest and i think i need to study more and learn the nuances of each concerns and policies.I messed up on saturday and i also messed up on sunday. My confidence to get money before seems to be fading. The delusion of me wanting to get rich is getting weaker by the day.
The feeling of just wanting to give up is rising. To be honest I am trying to be intune with my spirit and started reading the bible. I am starting to pray again and getting good result, i think. What’s funny in my perspective is that when i pray i include “if my plan does not align with yours, please redirect me to your plan”. I know it seems too early to have this thinking that maybe being a bpo agent is not for me because God is challenging me for the past two days, but that could also mean he is just testing me to fit better to my work.
I had this thought as well that It can be hard to discern if the situation you are experiencing is from God or the Devil. Maybe what is good for you is hardships to make you better, but evil can give you what you desire. Goodness can offer you pleasure when harvesting the fruits of your labor and sacrifice, and evilness will give you punishment when you agreed on his terms.
I would like to think that this is the hardship that Goodness provided me to be better, but there is also a voice that speaks to me “this is you consequence for being bad at your work”.
I do not know who is the real sender of this challenge, but I will accept it. I want to lean on the positive meaning of this. The feeling of letting myself down for not being capable of handling this work is upsetting me. I want to be good at this, but if this really is not for me, i would remind myself that this too shall pass, I will fall, I will weep, I will rise.