I lend a coworker of mine 5 thousand people in june 18 2026, i though it was gonna be a money exchange, i give him cash, he sends it to me e-wallet. Turns out, his ewallet cannot transfer to mine due to their phone nunber not being able to receive the code. Being a goody good boy and propbably a wanting to not anyone down and wanting validation, i gave him the money anyways.
As of writing, it is now approaching the 15th of july 2026. Its going to be a month now since I have lend him some money. I kinda regret it. Not kinda, i fully regretted it.
This post is to just let out my feelings. I do not know if this is too much information, but I would like to share something on my life that I really dont share. I want to be more open and express myself more, i guess.
The first week of the time I lend him some money was pretty chill. I was just minding my own business, trusting that he would automatically pay it when it is available. I can just chat him in our payday to get the 5k. Before the payday come, he chatted me about the available shift and overtime available. Again, wanting to impress other, i reluctantly agree. I do not know if he felt that since it was through facebook messenger. It seems that I have lost all of the lessons I have learned before in expressing and communicating what I wanted. This chat was before our payday, we did not discuss the date he would pay me, and i kinda felt bad becuase he did not even initiated that topic, only for the work purpose. Again, i did not communicate, so i do not fully blame him.
The week of payday comes, and after arriving at home, i take care of myself first, clean around the room, pail bath, and eat my “dinner”. I muster up my courage to paste my Gcash QR code, our company’s provided bank accounts, and chat the words “Please send the money here”. As I was typing and pasting the photos, I was surprised that he was in the chat as well! That kinda surprised me! I sent my spiel about getting my money back, and after a few seconds, which felt like a few more seconds, me wanting to not look at what he would type since I think i do not want to know that it would be a bad news. So I closed the phone out of habit. The phone rang that Facebook messenger sweet message notification sound, and i opened the phone. I forgot what the notification in the lock screen said, and i opened the messenger.
He said that he cannot send me the money, as he would manage his account and the bank card first. Ofcourse, I hid my disappointment, and just told him that “Pay me whenever your bank apps are fixed.” Which is pretty stupid on my end. But for some reason, he said no, he will have his father pay for my money. Since his ewallets and bank is not available, i guess this would work, i just want to get my money back. After a few minutes, he sent the photo of the transaction and a text message appear on my screen saying that “You have received 1,500.00 Php.” He verified that he has already sent it and he will pay 3,500 Php next week. That rebuilt my trust to him. I am glad that the thoughts in my head is wrong. That I helped him visit his family in province using the money i gave him, and i will get my money back, even without any gas fee or tax him. My mood went up a bit for the whole week.
Now, as of july 10th, this is the “next week”, friday. I asked for the money once again, only once this week, and he said....... “I’m waiting for my friend to pay me, and i used my extra money yesterday to pay for parcel”....... Yeah i hate this guy now. Maybe not hate but disappointed. Why did you pay for a parcel, I’m guessing from an online store, instead to pay me? He probably has other debt to other people, and this is a habit man, i feel it. Oh yeah, he also said “Are you good with it?” or “Can you stay afloat with the situation I’m bringin to you?”. Mind you this is not a straight translation, I’m having difficulty in translating it since given the context of his message, his message is vague. I just said “Yes”.
Next week, will be our payday. I just hope that he pays me.
I think a lot of people would not want to have debt, but since their life is hard, they hold to it to survive. I gues i am lucky since i do not have that burden. I can manage to live off what i can earn, and i can also contribute to my family, but what i contribute is also a bit manageable. I really want to be understanding of the people around me who needs help, but, most of them dont/cant really pay back or forgets their debt, which is heartbreaking since they broke my trust. I want to be a good person but i think people will just take advantage of you instead of mirroring your actions. I had a coworker of mine last year that borrowed 1 thousand from me. This time, i was pretty close to this guy at work, we had the same hobby and we were friendly to each other, so i lend some to him. It has been a year and he did not pay me back, the same month, a year later, i asked for the 1thousand, and he just reacted to my message. Did not pay me, or if he did, did not even let me know on the chat that he did it. So im guessing he did not pay me at all. Its hearbreaking to feel that, and I do not want to feel that. It feels like you are being used without proper care. I have also seen on the news recently that a man has stabbed a guy for a debt, and the one who stabbed him went to jail. That’s how it should be, but what about the guy who got stabbed? The one who borrowed the money? Sure he was injured, but if he paid the money, he would not get stabbed. I only read the headlines, and not read further the context of it, so my judgement is not trustworthy here. But I am in the same boat as the one who stabbed the guy. Not that i already stabbed him, but the one who gave the other person a chance. I am assuming that the lender asked for their money a lot of times, instead of stabbing him straight the next day since he did not pay. Maybe it is a lack of communication, and most of the time, people will not fully understand how you would be feeling in your current scenario, and if they do, they would not care, sure they might felt it, but they would not act upon it. They would just sleep on it, like an open wound, bearable to ignore, since we know that wounds will cover itself up if you just let it for a while.
As for me, I do not want to stab anyone. My mind is pretty negative in most of things. So i catastrophize a lot, that is like my favorite hobby now. Being so dramatic, when in reality, most of it does not happen. I just do not want to think like this. I know that my ancestors needed this feature on their brain, and i think it is still necessary, but being in this mental state wears me out. A lot of people in my workplace seems to be comfortable in confrontation, and using their anger to lash out, but not me. I guess this is also because how I was raised. Most of the time, I lash out to my loved ones, family, and closed friends since i know that expressing my emotions fully is safe, and we have built trust now. While I still keep it all together, when i can properly express myself, i will. But with this specific coworker, he is just not in there.
Maybe this is just a test from the universe, or God, i dont know. Relying that the higher power gave this obstacle to me gives me sense of ease. This is teaching me something, that I need to learn while the stakes are lower. Maybe it is teaching me that never lend your money. Or only lend it to your close ones. Whatever this is, i am currently failing it. Pretty sure to pass this test is to have an open mind, be understanding on their side, turn the other cheek, and let go if they cannot fulfill their end. I am not really ready to let go of it yet. Even the guy i lend money to a year ago, i still remember it, and will still plan to get my money back. I just want to be fair and not let anyone get away with it. My girlfriend is really one of my inspiration here. Heck, most of my closed friends and family are pretty assertive, and i need to learn it right now or i might not get my money since i will be resigning this month, and will render 30 days before i go.
I know that i will not die if i do not get the money here. And probably will be fine financially if i have not received it. But i think i will still need to be persistent and assertive since while the goal here is to get the moneyn it seems secondary to me. What my goal here now is to stand on my ground, stand on what i think is right. And I firmly believe that paying me, getting my money back is the right thing to do. I do not want to fantasize or catastrophize getting back to them, torturing them in my head. I want this to stop as soon as possible since I am not living to the standards that I want to achieve. I want to relay the message in my mind, body, and soul that what I’m doing here is right. Pitying them would not benefit the both of us, as pitying them would make me weak, and a pushover, and giving them pity will make them learn that they can do this freely. I will push even by only sending messages online. As in personal, i dont think that i can handle asking for it. But if push comes to shove, i hope i can perform.
Also i just want to add that i am surprised, and also not surprised at the same time that i catastrophize, and relish in these bad thoughts. I think its like a default to have to avoid neagtive occurence. But it does hype me up. It keeps me up, in some ways, it inspires me to be more angry, and feel those negative emotion that i have not properly control or fully understand. I thank these borrower for opening this part of me, that alone is a prize worth having. But I still want my money though.
I will add information here or post another article when they paid fully or i am out of the company. Whichever comes first.
UPDATE
He paid me at our payday. He has not debt now. He actually initiated to pay me. He asked for my QR code, and I sent mine. After a few hours, I received the money. My mind is now fine. All of the negative thoughts are now gone. I really think that it was all inside of my head. I am thankful that for a little bit, I trusted him.